Having anxiety is hard, but it’s difficult for the people that love someone with anxiety too. If that’s you, then I’m sure you see what they go through and wish that you could do something to make them feel better. Everyone has things that they find difficult, maybe yours is self-confidence, or body image. The only difference with anxiety is that there are physical consequences that come along with these difficult thoughts. You may not be able to cure them, but there are lots of small acts of kindness you can do that will make the world feel less terrifying.
Be understanding
It makes it much easier to talk about anxiety when someone understands it. Anxiety is a mental health issue that has severe physical side effects. The amygdala is the oldest part of the brain; it was there when humans needed to avoid attacks from wild animals to survive. It doesn’t ‘think’ it just ‘does’. This is the fight or flight response. This response button is a lot more sensitive when you have anxiety, and can suddenly flood the body with cortisol and adrenaline to prepare them to flee or to fight the threat. These hormones are what causes the many physical symptoms associated with a panic attack.
Know what they need
When they are in the middle of a panic attack, their brain will be far too preoccupied with anxious thoughts to be rational. Don’t ask if they are okay, instead know that they need to be somewhere less busy and take them there. The best way to bring a panic attack to an end is with physical exercise, so take them for a walk. The fresh air and distraction will help too. Once they feel calmer, let them know that you are listening if they want to talk. They completely understand that you can’t always see things from their perspective, but they really appreciate that you try to. Part of them knows that their fears aren’t rational, but the other part is dominated by anxiety. When you reply to their hesitant texts with kindness, or let them talk about what’s worrying them, they are eternally grateful.
Allow them freedom
Give them the space and flexibility that they need to feel comfortable. Sometimes they may need to cancel your plans unexpectedly, something they definitely don’t want to do. One of the more challenging parts of anxiety is hyperawareness. Sights, sounds, smells, you name it, they will notice it, and if the brain interprets this as a threat it can trigger their anxiety. As you can imagine, this is a very exhausting process, and sometimes they might not feel up to going out. When they say ‘no’ don’t take it personally, ask if they’d like to do something else instead. Perhaps you could have lunch and watch a film at home, or maybe they’d like to be spending time in nature. If not, offer to do something another time, they won’t always say ‘no’ to being with you!
Have empathy and be accommodating
Compassion is key; show them that you love them. Make them feel good about themselves! Anxiety can make them feel like they are difficult and require too much effort to be around, let them know that they are so much more than their anxiety. Be aware and accommodating to their needs, know that they might prefer the aisle seat, that they don’t want the television too loud or that they don’t always want to eat the same things that you do. Are those little things too much effort if you get their friendship and love in return?
People with anxiety are great to people to have in your life. No, this isn’t sarcasm. They are some of the most thoughtful people around. They will try their hardest to make sure that everyone has what they need and that everyone feels relaxed and happy. This is all down to their own need to be safe and prepared for anything. Planning is their forte! I’m sure you can see all of the wonderful things that they are, be that strong, or smart, or funny. Let them know that you notice the positives, and love who they are, anxiety and all.
You are so, so important to them. You’ve been there through the hardest times, and they love you so much for your kindness and support. They think you’re a keeper, so don’t give up on them!
ABOUT HANNAH
Life & Wellness Coach
I am a huge advocate for self-care and wellness. So much so that I transitioned from full-time corporate job to self-employed coach! I am dedicated to helping people achieve balance, wellness and success. My purpose on this planet is to uphold that everything in life is connected. Be it your health, career, relationships or purpose. My aim is to empower people to create change that will allow them to be and feel their best self, always.
