MEETING THE SAME GUY?
GETTING THE SAME KIND OF OUTCOME?
ALWAYS STOPPING JUST AS YOU GET STARTED?
So many of us find ourselves playing out the same experiences. Playing the same role - Always attracting the same people, same outcomes.
After I broke up with my last boyfriend. I had well and truly had enough. Had enough of the
fu*ck boy that always made me feel insecure and inadequate. Enough of the guy that just could
not commit, or was always playing hot and cold leaving me with no clue whether I was coming or going.
So I decided to finally face my relationship issues and why was I always calling in the same guy and why all my relationships were the same; starting the same and ending the same. I delved into books and reached out to some of my friends in the love coaching realm and all came with the same feedback. The exact same as most things in life.
I wrote down all of my ex boyfriends and their characters. I wrote down what they all had in common, how the relationship was, how it started and how it ended. And WOW - I knew I had a type, but they were just all carbon copies of one another. Same guy, different outfit.
You see, we call in partners and go through repeated patterns in our relationships based on what we have learned through our conditioning, what was missing in our lives, what we know and get this, who we are. It really was as simple as that.
Turns out, I was calling in guys with commitment issues, because I had commitment
issues, because I had learnt that meant leave or die! I was attracted to what I was and what I had learnt.
We repeat patterns in our life because that is the story we know, the story we are safe with.
Some of you may be like me, and find yourself repeating patterns in relationships because that is the story you know, the role you know. Some of you may not even have realised that all your jobs end the same, or you get rid of money every time you earn it. It is likely because somewhere, you learned that having money was a bad thing or that it couldn’t be kept - so you were taught to get rid of it, or spend it. These repeating patterns in our life play out from our conditioned mind, the thoughts that keep us stuck and in order for you to truly transform your life you have re-programme and move past the conditioned mind.
It is so important to understand what repeating patterns play out in your life so that you can move forward and break the chain. Notice when the same situations come up for you. We have to break the chain of stories that define your blueprint from having the lit up life you dream of and re-programme ourselves to know that we can go beyond our limited identity and step outside of the habitual place where we feel at home - where we feel safe.
SO HOW DO WE BREAK FREE?
BRING AWARENESS TO REPEATING PATTERNS
Bring attention to where patterns keep playing out in your life, what lessons are you face with over and over again. Once we bring awareness to it and notice how things keep playing out in certain places in our life, we learn to understand how it affects our thoughts and behaviours and we instantly learn to catch ourselves and notice it as it happens. It is only once we have brought awareness to our repeating patterns just like anything else, that we can learn to break the chain.
Whatever the specific area in life you are focusing on, write down the experiences you have had, where are there common themes? What is the story? Where are the same characteristics and how do they unfold?
2. UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY CAME FROM
Giving context to why these repeating patterns may play out in your life is key. We all have our own story to tell, our own traumas, experiences and hardships to tell that become, our story and how we identify ourselves with the rest of the world, why we act the way we do, or say the words we say and what happens for us. Every story you tell yourself, word you use, action you take and behaviours you habitually do, come from your programming. What you have learned as a correct behaviour from your past, your upbringing and your experiences. What words were used around you ( verbal conditioning) , what you saw (modelling) and what experiences you went through. This becomes your blueprint for how LIT you are and are willing to be and how successful you are programmed to be.
A FEW QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:
What did you learn growing up?
Was there an experience/trauma or situation that shaped you?
What were you exposed to when growing up?
Were there stories you kept seeing, experiences that always played out?
Were you taught money didn’t grow on trees or that you had to work 100 hours week to earn it and that it could go at any moment. Did you watch your parents stay in their comfort zone, never doing anything that scared them? Did that shape your own ability to fearlessly step out of your comfort zone?
3. HOW HAS THIS AFFECTED YOUR THOUGHTS, BEHAVIOURS AND WORDS?
This blueprint that you have formed, is like the fuse box that holds all of your thoughts, behaviours and feelings. These experiences we have been through, the verbal conditioning and modelling we have learnt shape what plays out in your life for you.
Every single thought you have, brings with it an emotion that you feel and the emotions and
thoughts lead us to act. It is the basic teaching and principles of manifestation in psychology.
T- F - A = R
Thoughts affect our feelings which lead to our actions ( behaviours) and this all of course,
outlines the results we see. This forms our conditioned mind and it all stems from our
programming. What we learnt from our parents, friends, teachers, religion, history, media and
society as to what is the right way. For example In being born into this world in a place of grief, my conditioned mind learnt that with the learnt that with the birth of a baby comes death elsewhere. In being born and growing up with no father, I learned that I had
to fight and support myself, In having a father that left me before he met me, my conditioned
mind learnt that men always leave. In watching my mum work more hours then existed in a
week to make money for us to be able to live, my conditioned mind learnt that the only way to
earn money was to hustle and overwork. In hearing my mum talk of the pain, stress and
struggle she had to overcome to support us, I learnt that to be successful and earn money came
with pain and struggle and that stress had to always be our driving force. So how has your learnt programming affected your life?
Get super clear on how you think, what words you use and the behaviours you act out in our daily life and how you have been affected by your programming. Once we bring awareness to how it actually causes us to act or call in in our life we are able to then learn to disconnect with it.
4. DISASSOCIATE YOUR IDENTITY FROM IT
Your story is not your identity. Not one bit. The stories that you let become your identity and let become your excuses as to why you
didn’t do. One girl from my online course once reached out to me and told me of how for so long, she had let her illness and battles with food become her identity. She was the girl that was ‘ill’. She completely had allowed her story to become her identity and her identity to be i am the sick girl. The problem with this, outside the obvious of that we are so much more than one thing, she allowed that to be her excuse for so many things. Why didn't she step out and ‘do. it was the excuse she used to keep herself safe. To keep her stuck and stop her from stepping out of her darkness and into her light. Of being her most lit upself. Truth is, most of us want to actually stay in our story and enjoy being the victim because it has no risks there of things we cannot control.It becomes tough to get rid of because if you get rid of your story, you lose your identity and then are lost as to who you are and where to go next. Once we can learn that infact it isn’t us, it is just part of our conditioning, we can learn to dissociate ourselves with it and break free form the identity we have given ourselves. It was just what you learnt, what you experiences and NOT who you are. We have to break the chain of stories that define your blueprint from
having the lit up life you dream of and re-programme ourselves to know that we can go beyond
our limited identity and step outside of the habitual place where we feel at home - where we feel
Safe. And instead, create new thoughts, habits and beliefs you can implement
to help you rewire that fuse box.
5. CHOOSE AGAIN
The final part of the puzzle. To choose again. This is one of my favourite sayings. Choose again. When you notice repeating patterns, thoughts, behaviours, situations playing out in your life, now that you have brought more awareness to it, you will be able to choose again. You will be able to notice when they come up or start happening, dissociate yourself from it and choose again. Awareness, understanding, dissociation - the three principles of reprogramming our conditioned mind.
